Dancing With Differences, by Janet Desautels
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Dancing With Differences, by Janet Desautels
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Dancing With Differences, by Janet Desautels- Published on: 2015-10-08
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.02" h x .39" w x 5.98" l, .47 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 182 pages
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0 of 0 people found the following review helpful. A powerful guide to freeing yourself to conflict in relationships By Alex Van Tol Want clear instructions for how to get along with people? Look no further. Dancing with Differences is your go-to manual for employing a nonviolent, nonresistant approach that springs from respect and acceptance.It doesn’t even matter what the difference in question is, really, says Desautels, who holds degrees in law, sociology and philosophy; what matters is the discomfort—our anxiety, annoyance, fear or disgust—that arises because of it. Calling to mind the wisdom of Don Miguel’s Four Agreements, Desautels’ teachings remind us that unpleasant emotions flow directly from our thoughts: that how we feel is entirely caused by how we think. Our thoughts are the cause of our angst—not the other person. What we think feeds our discomfort, and therefore guides our choices and actions. In this book, Desautels shows us that we are actually at liberty to choose our thoughts—that we can actually replace those that don’t serve us—and in so doing, shape our worlds differently.In a fulsome chapter on cultural differences, Desautels directs readers’ attention to their biases, encouraging us to recognize that we see others through the cultural frame of reference we grew up in—and that others see us through their own socially biased frames. Dancing with Differences is particularly relevant given our unease in the face of the “us vs. them” dichotomy we have collectively struggled with in the wake of severe and frightening acts of terrorism these past years.Desautels writes that we gain power when we recognize and accept that others are who they are—and that we can’t change them. We have no control over other people, says Desautels. Resisting their differences is a waste of energy. Better to direct our energy at managing the things we can control: the immediate situation, and our attention and our attitude. Staying present, listening deeply, and thinking critically about the stories we tell ourselves are additional tools to help us shed the chains that bind us to our biases and despairs over our interpersonal conflicts. Accepting people for who they are—allowing for differences—saves energy and builds bridges over what divides us.Desautels illuminates her main points with ancient parables from around the world. The stories entertain us with their universal truths, but Desautels also uses them to engage us, wielding them as powerful illustrations of where we need to go, and setting the stage for her point-by-point instructions on how to get there. Included are guidelines for deep listening, for letting go of assumptions, for questioning the stories we carry around with us, and for committing to remain in the present moment. This book is a powerful, well-crafted and straightforward manual to guide you in navigating the waters of interpersonal experience. Highly recommended.
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